Confessions of an Addict

Addicted. Obsession. Fixated. Fanatical.

Exam study continues, and as is expected, it has not been as successful as I had hoped. My mind fails me, concentration is elusive, and my memory seems to have hidden itself in the past. The stage of hypochondriac illness has set in - swollen glands, sore throat, extreme fatigue, and the pallid look. Vitamin consumption up, along with nap times. Appropriate music provides the soundtrack to my dilemmas - personal crises, angry at the world, melancholia. This is exam time. The time for excess which gets you nowhere, other than maybe the gutter. Exams? Of course these aren't skills we will need in the real world. Calculator, notes, books, we will have all of these sources in the real world, and thank goodness for that. Life seems pointless, strange, cruel, but we continue. We sweat, we cry, we eat far more than we should, and we take whatever comforting actions we need....

My comfort, for those of you who don't know me, is CD's and DVD's. It is a true obsession. It takes all the self control in the world to walk past a CD store without buying something... without buying a lot. This morning, as my treat, my break, my consolation, I headed to a cheap CD/DVD store near my flat. I was armed with my all important list: artists and their most highly rated albums. I left the store with a lighter wallet but a very heavy bag (10 CDs + 1 DVD). Including artists like Fiona Apple, Eels, Mazzy Star, Feist, Flight of the Conchords, Wilco, Alanis Morissette, and Portishead. And the dvd? A special 2-disc edition of The Matrix for only 1 pound - how could I resist?!

This is my addiction, it is a curse. On the other hand, it makes me feel good and does no real damage. So perhaps I can get away with it, for a little longer at least.

"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm." - Colette