I am a huge Star Trek fan. I grew up watching all incarnations of the show with my parents (all except Enterprise, of course). Among my most treasured 18th birthday presents was an alluring yellow plastic box set, which came to have pride of place upon my desk next to its blue and red counterparts (seasons 1, 2, and 3 of Star Trek: The Original Series, for those of you too cool to know what I mean). This began my true obsession and appreciation of Mr. Spock.
Mr. Spock is my ideal man. Thoughtful, serious, attractive (yes, attractive!), and the ultimate when it comes to playing hard-to-get. How long was Christine Chapel making goo-goo eyes at him, bringing him Vulcan Soup’s and checking on his well-being? More years than was good for her – and the only time he showed any recognition of her infatuation was under some form of strange emotional turbulence or distress (watch “The Naked Time” and “Amok Time”). This pedestal image of a fictional character, one that I have cherished for many years now, has now been irrevocably shattered.
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Please do not think it reflects poorly on me to have waited almost two weeks after its release for me to see Star Trek. On the contrary, I did not want it ruined by having too many people in the cinema (I generally avoid cinema’s when something is first released). I was very excited about seeing the new film, despite my early reservations. Everyone I knew, who was a Trek fan, who had seen the film, had given me a positive response (including Wil Wheaton, and what he says is usually gospel). Not to mention a top 250 rating on imdb (the all powerful, all knowing, all brilliant website). I headed into the cinema with an open mind and a big smile.
It opened well, an exciting, action packed beginning for both Kirk and the film. But the theme was all wrong. Young Kirk, wrong. Sarek, wrong. Then on to the film’s present – and it was wrong! Chris pine looked like Bill Shatner in the Original Series film, rather than the suave, sexy young James T. Kirk (and why were there no cheesy shirt rippings in the middle of fights?). Wait, suddenly there was hope – a strong first impression from McCoy. I could feel Deforest in the room with him. I was worried, but maybe everything would work out in the end.
Kirk grew on me. I liked Uhura, she was sexy and sassy, but there was nothing to suggest she was from Africa (I wanted Swahili!). And yes, there was even a green woman shagging Kirk. No Orion slave girl, but still exciting. But the bomb was about to drop, the shit about to hit the fan, the wind was about to be ripped from my lungs.
It was not long before I realised how wrong Spock was. Zachary Quinto is not Spock. I understand that they were trying to portray a Spock who was still conflicted about who he was, human, Vulcan, emotional, logical – but there was far too much emotion. Too much smiling, too many flaws, too angry. There was no Christine Chapel after him, but Uhura – and she got him, too easily. In that relationship, there was far too much passion. Were they trying to get us too relate more to Spock? Why was there any need for that? Spock is one of the most beloved characters of all time, and they killed him. (Please don’t worry, that was no spoiler, just a metaphorical explanation of the heartache and disappointment I felt after seeing the film.)
The film seemed to get worse as it went along. The ship was far too shiny (Joss Whedon was brilliant to point out that space ships are lived in – they are necessarily DIRTY!), and, J.J. Abrams, what was with all the lens flare and glare? The narrative had too many plot holes to count, none of the science was explained (despite it being integral to the plot), and since when has a transporter beam been full of horizontal swirling lines?! Spock was not caught simply kissing – it was making out – hormonal, passionate, intense (well, too much for Spock anyway). I couldn’t take it, I was on the edge, my head was about to explode…
A mysterious figure, we have seen the back of his head only, he has taken a few steps, no voice as yet – but I already knew that it was Leonard Nimoy. I suddenly felt right again, and my emotions got the better of me. In the middle of the cinema, I burst into tears. Spock Prime was perfect, old Spock, the right Spock. He made it that much more obvious that the film was terrible. No one was able to hold their own with him, and I knew I could never look at my Spock the same way. He had been tarnished, as Star Trek has been (although Enterprise did enough of that already).
I just wanted it to all be over, to take back the last few hours and forget that I had ever seen it. But it was too late. Simon Pegg as Scotty provided some relief – he was perfect (at least the casting director was awake for this one), but it was not enough. It had run away with a bad premise, poor character portrayal, and absolutely appalling writing – but hey, its an alternate universe, we can do whatever the f*ck we like, right? Well, I say, if you wanted to change everything about the characters themselves, their history, and their possible futures (therefore invalidating ALL of Original Series), why not create new characters within the Star Trek universe.
If this was not a Star Trek Original Series Film (Supposedly), it could have been a decent film. Action packed, fast paced, and slick. But this was Star Trek Original Series, and they let this fan down. I have never been more disappointed (this is worse than the disappointment that accompanies the Star Wars Prequels). I do not recommend this film to any Original Series fan, especially if you even remotely like Spock.
